What I Learned From An Improperly Fastened Car Seat and Other Off-Road Adventures
I tried to be a laid back and, in some ways, I was; but, in other ways, my inner voice told me I wasn’t cut out for this task called mothering.
Every time one of my kids went through a right of passage, I grieved all the mistakes I had made on the way there.
When they moved to their crib, I was sure I hadn’t given them enough snuggles… or maybe too many. When they were potty trained, I was sure I had been too impatient. And by the time they graduated, I was certain I had significantly screwed them up real good. I was full of doubts from day one. And, can I tell you a secret? They’re now in their mid-twenties and I still am. Why? Because I’ve never been a parent of someone in their mid-twenties.
Back when kids were allowed to outgrow their car seats before their sophomore year of high school, I learned a lesson I’ll never forget.
It was about 4:00 am and I was driving along like a madwoman while delivering Seattle newspapers. I was thankful for the insanely early morning gig because it allowed me to work a few hours every day and spend time at home with my littles. Sometimes, I’d have to take my kids with me on my paper route as I drove around in the cold, dark mornings. I look back at the way I drove now, and it gives me the chills. I was a Mario Andretti with babies in the back seat. One day as I whipped around a cul-de-sac flinging newspapers into the driveways of houses I wished I could afford, I heard a faint, little sensible voice from the back seat.
“Oh no, Mommy,” my daughter said.
“Yes, honey. Are you okay?” I replied as I flung another paper.
“Yeah,” she decided.
“Almost done, baby,” I assured her.
“Oh no, Mommy,” she calmly said again.
I decided to stop the car & opened the back door to see the car seat flipped on its side containing my mini-me who was smiling back at me.
I had to doubt many of my abilities again that day, such as my car seat fastening abilities and how fast I had taken the curve in that cul-de-sac.
But, one thing I also realize when reflecting back on that moment was how calm my little girl was. She handled the flipped car seat like a rockstar. I was failing at many things; but, my demeanor during stressful times was an example for my girl. Yay, me!
A couple of years later, I told my baby girl who was about four at the time, “Brittany, I love you when you’re happy. I love you when you’re sad. I love you when you feel jealous. I love you when you feel mad…” A couple of days later, I was walking down the hall and passed by my son’s bedroom to find both kids playing together. Daughter said sincerely to her brother,” Joe Joe, I love you when you’re happy. I love you when you’re mad. I love you when you feel jealous. I love you when you feel sad…”
Shuddup. My heart tank was so full that my eyes were leaking.
Fast forward to their teenage years. My son put his legs up on the front console of the car to stretch them out. I looked down to see his hairy legs and was shocked, “When did you get so hairy?” I asked, “I don’t know,” he said, “but I got it from my mom.” Touché, hairy teenager. Touché. I see a sense of humor has also been passed down.
The fun continued one quiet Sunday morning in church, I looked over to see my kids giggling. Daughter had placed her name tag sticker on son’s hairy legs. I couldn’t have been more proud.
Now that my babies are grown and married, I look back and accept that my doubt wasn’t a bad thing. You see, having doubts when you jump into any endeavor is a good thing. Just don’t let your doubts stop you. Doubt keeps you humble which keeps you open which helps you remain the sponge you need to be to soak up the learning that will happen in life.
That was so important. Let me say that again. Doubt keeps you humble which keeps you open which helps you remain the sponge you need to be to soak up the learning that will happen in life.
You will do the best you can and in some ways may fail; but, at the end of the day, you’ll see that if you focus on the important things like how you handle stressful situations, keeping the promises you made to your family, and having a sense of humor are all more important than whether or not we are 100% sure we’re doing it right. Confidence without any doubt is pride. Pride makes us unreceptive. Being unreceptive blocks life learning.
That was so important. Let me say it again. Confidence without any doubt is pride. Pride makes us unreceptive. Being unreceptive blocks life learning.
You will often hear well-intentioned speakers say you can’t have doubts and be confident at the same time. Fasten your car seats, girls, cuz I call bologna. As I look back on my journey of motherhood so far, I can say with full confidence that you can have them both at the same time. In fact, it’s pretty healthy… I think.